Have I said too much?

I shameless copped the title of this post from the internetmonk. But i’m not talking about what he was talking about.

I was just wondering about silence. I must admit I get am quite a shy and quiet person in real life. I really don’t know how others percieve me, but I am naturally quiet.

But since coming here, I have been pushed from that hermit crab shell into a position where I have to voice my opinion: leadership. And I honestly think that sometimes I have trodden on a few toes not less than once. There are times when I think that I have been speaking to soon, too loudly and too rashly. There are times when I have pushed too hard, been too sarcastic or articulated viewpoints that do not correspond to reality.

Yeah, especially in this (academic) year, I guess God has been showing me that a lot of my opinions and thoughts do not actually correspond to reality.

For instance my opinions on how 1) mission and evangelism is an articificial separation. Now I have begun to see how there are in fact distinct and a unique kingdom activity in their own right.

2) My views and thoughts on evangelism in particular have been shaken. I used to think in terms of numbers and converts. Then it changed into a sort of revivalism. I used to think that evangelism was prior and that the health of the ministry depended on the extend of reaching out. But now, seeing the extreme difficulty of the evangelism-followup model being put directly into practice, I have begun to question whether this model is even biblical.

3) My views on church have changed. I have begun to see the church as a missionary hub and much less an evangelism hub.

4) My understanding on relationships have changed as well. That is still evolving and so I wont say much about it. *wink*

5) Perhaps much less known by other people is my views on evolution and creation. Just want to say that what I believe about the first few chapters of genesis has changed from literalism, to myth, to now I don’t know what. Yes, I am still very much confused about the matter.

6) My views on predestination and free will have not changed much actually. But what has happened is that it does not really affect me that much anymore. Since I know that predestination is a clear biblical teaching and what a man must do to be saved is equally clear. So ’nuff said.

7) Actually I have begun to see apologetics as less and less of an intellectual activity anymore. I used to think that I was interested in it. But I have begun to see it as a redundancy. Hehe, not telling you where my interest lies at this moment.

8) Perhaps the biggest shake was in my understanding of what a spiritual walk is. I feel like a big fake sometimes in this matters. I used to think it was as simple as having a qt and following the rules and serving. I must admit now that I don’t know what I believed about this matters.

I can honestly say one thing. It has been zilch and back to zero for me: resetting the counter. So I can conclude one thing, I won’t speak anything until I have really thought through about it.


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About me

moogleBorn and bred in KL, Malaysia. Now studying for his Phd in Singapore. Learning to walk one fall at a time.
March 2005
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